Inanimate Object: Whoopee cushion

Merely two sheets of rubber glued together at the edges, I lie underneath a couch cushion and anxiously await my unsuspecting victim. Earlier in the day I was purchased by an eager boy of 8 years whose father found the practicality of my joke as harmless and amusing as he. Suddenly I hear the footsteps of multiple people and a deceiving voice usher, “Have a seat,” and it takes every ounce of self-discipline that I possess to stifle a laugh. In the next few moments my beating heart is crushed, my puffy lungs deflated, as every last breath escapes through a flap. I hear the abrupt gasp of my startled victim and the boisterous laughter of the mastermind who planned the set-up. With great relief, the air gradually returns, and I am moved to a kitchen chair where I eagerly await my next victim.